Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
