dude i'm inner monologue high
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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