I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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