do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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