Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
