If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
