we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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