He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
