I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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