She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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