What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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