I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
