it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
