I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
