the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
