Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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