is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
