so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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