the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
