Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
