BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
