I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
