I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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