So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
