Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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