somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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