Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
