She is in my trunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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