You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
