If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
