remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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