apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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