she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize