The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
