found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
