We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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