just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
