if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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