took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
