Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
