Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
