I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
