The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
