I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
