I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
