I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
