I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
