I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the condom got lost in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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