FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
