chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
