I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think I won the penis lottery.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I forget how to act sober
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
