he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
