I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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