My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
