um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
