So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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