What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
