ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
