I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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