We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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