We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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