We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
