Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
